Section 1 - INTRODUCTION

Part 1 - The History

Love Therapy was developed by Dr. Ralph Ankenman in the 1970’s. Dr. Ankenman was raised in a liberal church, but he actually met Jesus Christ in a Baptist group. Although he became a Baptist, he believes his background enabled him to think outside traditional fundamentalist precepts.

He became a medical missionary in Bangladesh in the 60’s, then in various inner-city missions in the United States. After 15 years he returned to his home in Cedarville, Ohio to resume his medical practice with the same missionary spirit.¹ He began noticing a correlation between emotional immaturity and an array of medical problems, both emotional and physical. He developed many of the foundational concepts presented in this paper and has been using them to heal people in his practice for decades.

While attending Ohio State University (1977-79) to complete a doctorate in Psychiatry (he was already an MD), he taught Love Therapy for three years at Layman’s Challenge for Today, an early Xenos group. Ankenman was immediately drawn to the grace-based sanctification taught at our Bible studies, which was compatible with his Love Therapy approach. His teachings were employed in various Xenos ministries with great success because of this unique compatibility. Continue Reading »

Footnotes:

1. Ankenman claims to have several thousand state-supported patients, indigents and others he services without charging the fees typical for Psychiatrists. It is typical for him to spend one or two hours with a patient, rather than rushing through three or four per hour. [↩]

Tags: handouts

Ed.Note:

C. S. Lewis

C. S. Lewis describes emotional balance:

Without the aid of trained emotions the intellect is powerless against the animal organism.
(The Abolition of Man)

Shakespeare also described balance, but for artists (they need it) — “Art is restraint!”

Tags: emotions, quotes, reason

People want to know how to effect change, especially with Love Ethics. We all want to experience deeper, more-fulfilling relationships now, and it’s hard to wait. But we must understand what must change before we know how it changes. This means understanding the Framework of Love Ethics.

Love Ethics becomes confusing. It is, after all, an effort to teach God’s wisdom about love as revealed in scripture. As with anything complex, a framework is an essential way to grapple with all the details.

“Grappling” describes the learning difficulty for Love Ethics. Even advanced Christians struggle understanding it, so it requires patient and careful consideration to apply God’s love. Much of the material published in the NeoZine Love Ethics Series is an attempt to put flesh and bones on these abstract principles. But understanding requires seeing with new eyes, and answers from Love Ethics are elusive and laborious. For three years Dr. Ankenman taught us in Columbus largely through discussing examples of his interactions with various patients, and he took this laborious approach because a change of viewpoint is more important than learning some terms.

But there’s good news: it is actually possible to experience fantastic changes almost immediately. To understand basic principles like the Love Bank is tremendously helpful. And so it is, all along: every effort pays off.

A growing body of medical evidence supports these ethics. Because the Bible reveals truth, medical research and Dr. Ankenman’s experience provides concrete ways to work with modern pressures against biblical love.¹ These modern pressures mean Christians must change the depth of their understanding of love, because upcoming generations desperately need something with fiber and staying-power. Christian parents are losing their children to a plague infesting streets and
homes, and to run away is not only impossible, it is lethal. Every effort spent mastering Love Ethics stockpiles munitions to win and save people from their spiritual hostility against God’s love. Continue Reading »

Footnotes:

1. See Building a Love Ethic, which identifies the unique pressures today Christians must face with intelligence. [↩]

Part 1 - The History

Love Therapy was developed by Dr. Ralph Ankenman in the 1970’s. Dr. Ankenman was raised in a liberal church, but he actually met Jesus Christ in a Baptist group. Although he became a Baptist, he believes his background enabled him to think outside traditional fundamentalist precepts.

He became a medical missionary in Bangladesh in the 60’s, then in various inner-city missions in the United States. After 15 years he returned to his home in Cedarville, Ohio to resume his medical practice with the same missionary spirit.¹ He began noticing a correlation between emotional immaturity and an array of medical problems, both emotional and physical. He developed many of the foundational concepts presented in this paper and has been using them to heal people in his practice for decades.

While attending Ohio State University (1977-79) to complete a doctorate in Psychiatry (he was already an MD), he taught Love Therapy for three years at Layman’s Challenge for Today, an early Xenos group. Ankenman was immediately drawn to the grace-based sanctification taught at our Bible studies, which was compatible with his Love Therapy approach. His teachings were employed in various Xenos ministries with great success because of this unique compatibility.

Part 2 - Underlying Assumptions in Love Therapy

Assumption #1 - Emotional Immaturity is the greatest cause for ill-health.

Love Therapy draws a line between weakness and strength, both emotional and physical, which is the distinction Immature Love and Mature Love.

Continue Reading »

Footnotes:

1. Ankenman claims to have several thousand state-supported patients, indigents and others he services without charging the fees typical for Psychiatrists. It is typical for him to spend one or two hours with a patient, rather than rushing through three or four per hour. [↩]

Tags: columbus 2008, handouts

In Love Therapy, the term Infantile describes the most primitive stage of emotional development, typical in childhood. Watch children and their emotions at work:

1. They thrive on rather simple emotions.
2. They cannot sustain significant relationships (such as marriage) with such simplistic emotions.
3. They are easily overwhelmed by emotions, despite their primitive nature.
4. Their behavior is erratic and unpredictable because their emotions take control.
5. Their friendships change easily and often because their emotions define their relationships.

The traumatic struggles of childhood demonstrate that relationships built on strong feelings can be quite destructive. Of the many ways kids are deceived, perhaps their greatest vulnerability is the way kids feel so deeply for others existentially in the here-and-now without understanding how self-centered their feelings can be. Kids are loving only when they feel like it. For this reason the Bible often cites children as the epitome of fleshly and foolish thinking:

…we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine… Ephesians 4:14 (NASB)

Infantiles care about others when they feel like caring. The core problem with an Infantile is the inability to rise above the emotional moment, to look across the expanse of time and see things from a higher view. Because of this short-sightedness, children do not retain thankful hearts for long. It matters little how much effort and sacrifice their parents lavished on them in the past. What matters foremost is the sacrifice and effort lavished today! Children cannot fathom why their immediate desires can’t be gratified. When faced with unfulfilled desires, they cry or throw violent temper tantrums because they lose all sense of proportion or perspective.

Thus, Infantiles are highly sensitive to how others affect them, but have very little sensitivity to how they affect others. This is why quarrels between children escalate: they cannot understand the perspective of the other child. Because they feel the correctness of their own view, their feelings escalate until they win. They can grow violent because they feel the right to use force to get their way.

The Infantile defines love as feelings of warmth. Children are so charming because they can pour out emotional warmth. The child cuddled in his mother’s arms reminds everyone of the touching warmth children need. As people mature they typically learn that love is not such a narcissistic experience, but holding on to these prolonged expectations is becoming a major deficiency in the maturing process in today’s culture.

Two generations ago children’s books were about doing well in the world; for example, they were about achievement – The Little Engine That Could, - or consequences of laziness - The Little Red Hen - are typical example. The primers today are much less about good commerce with the world and much more about feeling good, about high self esteem. Seligman-Forum

In other words, self receives the emphasis in American education under the rubric of “self esteem,” and of course, self is reinforced later by the culture through consumerism. Self-emphasis lies at the root of the Infantile’s inability to form deep, lasting relationships.

Although all people will occasionally manifest an infantile characteristic, many people see a gradual decrease in such characteristics as they move into adulthood. This is especially true as they form their own families. But when a preponderance of these childish features migrate into adulthood, the result is an Infantile with emotional habits that greatly interfere with important relationships as well as cause much havoc and heeartbreak.

Those who know Infantiles know how impossible they are to satisfy. They have difficulty grasping the extent of the sacrifice others must make to endure their demands. Infantiles throw explosive tantrums or use withdrawal tactics similar to the child who threatens to eat worms or hold his breath until he dies.

Even with its drawbacks, Infantile love is cute in a toddler, but a tragedy in adult relationships. The obsession with immediate gratification and unrestrained emotions is so primitive! With age we expect to see increased ability to be thoughtful of others, to make rational decisions, and learn from experience in the real world to lift the adult above temporary events and hold a consistent perspective. It’s called stability, and it is a position of great authority and strength in a tumultuous world. The here-and-now can be a frightful place for children “tossed here and there by waves,” as Paul says (Eph. 4:15).

Kids are overwhelmed by immediate pressures and easily dominated and crushed. Children would make poor soldiers when the roar of cannon fire erupts, but a well-trained soldier realizes victory is possible only by holding the line. This inability to stand strong in relationships is the weak and fearful heart beating inside the Infantile.

Continue Reading »