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Love never fails – 1 Corinthians 13:8
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Week 10
Week 10
From LTC “Love Ethics” Week 3 – Keith/Katey 11/28/07
The Ministry of Change:
Review and Conclusion of the Reason for Repentance
The Process of Repentance
(start around min 49; stop around 1:50)
Your Pursuit of Significance can be:
Either Hate-Driven or Love-Driven
HATE-DRIVEN (ME DRIVEN)
LOVE-DRIVEN
Implications of hate…
We view hate as so removed from us. HA! WRONG!
We do this all the time when we fight, resist, and hurt those around us. We come at people with are hate and our anger and our resentment. That is what hate is.
The bible has many idiomatic constructions for hate:
Allender does a good job describing hatred. He describes hate as something that weaves in and out and comes and goes. These spiteful feelings are what hate looks like.(See BOLD LOVE by Dan Allender).
All of us get consumed by hate. Every one of us!
In your marriage…..
NO YELLING – NO CUSSING – NO THREATS – NO VIOLENCE!
IF ANY OF THE ABOVE OCCURS – YOU MUST GET HELP FROM OTHERS
No yelling:
Yelling is so hateful.
Some one says: “But I can’t help it.”
Come on folks! There is a point where we can all draw the line. For instance, none of you pee in your pants any longer.
“I do not poop in my bed.”
“I do not yell.” You can help it!
If I must yell, then …
I leave and I go outside.
I call a friend. There is nothing wrong with saying that I have to “cool off.”
Always let your spouse leave so that they can cool off. Do not confront your spouse when they are hot and angry.
No cussing:
It also means no cussing at each other.
This means you can not have “hallway sex” you know when you pass your spouse in the hallway and say, “FU” and they reply with an equally violent “FU too.”
These are the rules. These things keep the relationship sane.
Have a rule in your marriage where you never call each other names.
No Threats:
Absolutely no threats.
By threats, I mean: “If you keep this up, I will divorce you.” or “I wish I never married you.”
No Violence:
Violence is prohibited.
This goes for you women too!
No throwing things.
If you can not get a grip on these 4 rules, you have serious problems. GET HELP!
IF ANY OF THE ABOVE OCCURS – YOU MUST GET HELP FROM OTHERS
Tell on your spouse – because the body of Christ cares – the one who continues in this sin will have the wrath of the Body of Christ to come down on them.
It is not acceptable to keep your dirty sins a secret. Do not hide these sins.
Put these issues out in the open. By not revealing what is going on, you are letting them get away with this sin – they must confess so that they can repent. This is key for genuine healing to occur. It is so easy to keep our sins private.
It is hard to confess a sin to your peers like “I am a wife beater.” than to tell your beaten wife that you are sorry and won’t do it again. This sin will occur again. When sin is brought into the light, a person can be healed and matured in love.
Review the Pillars of Pride:
Important Vocabulary:
The Pillars of Pride are the weak structures and framework of the outer man which support the Pride Barrier.
The outer man is the depraved persona or identity, fortified by the pride barrier and made alive by the fallen heart. Through salvation and mortification it is rendered powerless at its core, since God has given us a new heart. Yet still the vestiges remain, fortified by the Pride Barrier. It contains the Pillars of Pride and False Strategies from our natural lives.
Pride Barrier is The thick, impenetrable wall surrounding the heart, which nobody-even God (by his own decree) – can penetrate, pushing us deeper into depravity.
Clarifications: While this barrier inhibits the feeling and giving of love, it could be argued it is a necessary strength in the Kosmos (as in Plato, translated “magnificent”). It is the outcome of rebellion and independence from God (Romans 1:30), and has the side effect of keeping us lonely and isolated (see 1 Peter 5:5). It is the thick, self-protective callous covering the heart (see James 4:16). It is the underlying strength for the Outer Man, its unifying principle, and its fuel for growth. It’s the bullseye for God’s work of Regeneration in our lives, it’s the authority from which we’re redeemed, and although nobody but its owner can lower this defensive barrier, the Work of Ministry is aimed at weakening the Pillars of Pride.
Heart is the core, central part of a human which enables the faculty of love relationships.
The work of ministry comes up against the people’s pride. This pride is the hard thing that surrounds the heart – it keeps us from loving and feeling love.
PILLARS OF PRIDE: permanent love values
(glued together by the pride barrier.)
The proud outer man
interconnected/intertwined PLV’s
Lies
Scars
Ingratitude
Strategies
“It’s about me!”
Cherished pains
“I deserve better…”
Infantile
“I don’t need God!”
Bitterness
“You owe!”
Work Sub
“I’m right!”
Work for Love
The Work of Ministry works to chip away our lies, scars, ingratitude and our strategies
The point trying to be made is that when our work, which is the work of ministry, comes up against pride – it is a complicated work and multi-faceted.
Take this list back to your cell, or to those whom you are discipling, or those with whom you have relationships.
Look at this list to determine where the Lord is looking for change.
Use is as a tool.
Compare and contrast the immature means of acquiring significance with each mature.
You can get significance from either demands or through humility -the difference between immaturity and maturity is that immature is demanding while mature is humble.
The Transformation of Love Ethics
Significance through Pride (immaturity)
Significance through Humility (maturity)
Total depravity: without value
Having value to your existence
Erects walls/alienation
Vulnerability/openness – opens up your heart
Strong, relentless force
Is learned/chosen/ free will is a big deal
Basis for a legalistic lifestyle
Basis for forgiveness/grace
Controls others
Accommodates other’s free wills
Lies as an identity
Truth is primary in love
Triggers violence
Is a peacemaker
Produces strong, negative emotional forces (hatred)
Benevolent emotions that bless (Emotions are a part of loving)
A builder of monuments
Builds a legacy in the Kingdom of God
Conquers through smashing
Conquers through love
Perverts reality
Adopts reality: lives within it. No longer fighting reality – your estimation of yourself is unreal
Pride imprisons: takes on its own momentum – this is why forgiveness is so difficult
Humility opens new possibilities: “the truth sets you free.”
Perverts “love” … sexual conquest,enabling
Defines Agape Love – 1 Cor 13
Opposes truth through lawlessness
Lives in the Truth and loves the truth
Redefines truth: the center of the universe is me
Goes to God for Truth: He’s the center
Makes forgiveness impossible. (“I can’t forgive.”)
Forgiveness is infinite (70 X 7)
Blames others (ie God/family/friends/spouse)
Admits wrongdoing and asks forgiveness
Ungrateful
Thankful
God must oppose it
God delights in it and gives it “a greater grace.” (James 4)
Implications are HUGE…
Ask yourself these questions … discuss them in you cell.
What significance do you currently have? What makes you so valuable?
How are you becoming significant? You are trying to become significant – are you aware of it?
With whom are you becoming significant? It is something that others grant you.
To whom are you grateful for giving you significance?
To whom & how have you demonstrated thankfulness for giving you significance?
How are you promoting the significance of “So & So.”
How is “So & So” using hateful ways to demand significance? Do you see them demanding significance?
To whom is “So & So” becoming more significant?
What are the deceitful way you (or “So & So”) seek to gain significance? Are you blinded by pride?
Part 2: The Process of Repentance
For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote to you with many tears; not so that you would be made sorrowful, but that you might know the love which I have especially for you.
(2 Corinthians 2:4 NASB)
We need to put this into practice – it is delicate business.
Case Study of Breaking Through the Pride Barrier:
Background
The Problem
Solution
Single, lonely dude
Relationally alienated
Crash into his life with warmth/he so needs to be hugged;
Contentious, legalistic, ritualistic upbringing
Cold
Break his rules; be spontaneous with him and have fun with him through highly charged emotion. This is opposed to intellectual interaction.
Youngest child
Divisive
Encourage him
“Successful engineer”
Defensive
Be vulnerable and share about your own life – then it is the cold guys turn
Self-righteous
Show emotional concern – you must show warmth
- he is probably a spoiled brat – his is used to having his way – call him out on his sin – call him a self righteous sinner – you have “dirt dude.”
Let us use some of what we have been learning? What should we do?
Case Study of Basic Repentance
Background
The Problem
Solution
11-year old male
Has a “melt down” because cell group was canceled. The rules were not followed.
Do not reason with him – He is irrational – being calm is outside their realm of reality.
Emotional/handicapped
Inconsolable
Stop the demands – Confront his demands with emotional force?Meet emotion with emotion – irrational emotion.
From a Christian Family
You need to write down the names of the people who have given to you – who is giving to you freely? The kid was excited about doing the assignment – the gloom had turned to joy. Call on the brats to have a change of heart.
Problem: “What do you do with a broken hearted kid?”
Change of Heart: An Overview
Start at Ungrateful:
Nothing to be thankful for!
Move to “I’m so needy”:
Next move towards Law-based “love”: I deserve, I deserve, I deserve!
Finally move towards poisoned thoughts:
The Changed Heart is a repentant heart
Starts with a thankful attitude:
Moves towards the mind set of “I am so RICH!”:
This leads to grace-based love:
Finally movement towards God’s heart:
The Bridge of Repentance Moves from point A to point B
Transforming or converting immature to mature.
The love demands must stop and we must learn to love with maturity. That is what repentance looks like.
But how do we stop the demands?
Stop the Irrational Demands:
Through the Process of Cuddle and Paddle (as in SPANK).
Cuddle:
We connect the Present Love Feelings to the Paddle by demonstrating Godly Permanent Love Values.
Paddle:
Irrational Heart: Case Study
Background
The Problem
Solution
Additional Information