NeoZine

Our heart-felt Love Demands are not without reason or justification. We know it, deep inside, even if nobody else agrees. “I’m so lonely!” screamed John Lennon, “Wanna die!” The torture in his heart erupts through his guitar. Loneliness foments and froths and wells deep inside until it erupts with an irrational force that alienates everyone nearby. When it subsides, it only burrows deeper.

Loneliness is emptiness. It is isolation. It is utterly dehumanizing. Solitary confinement is the torture that breaks the human spirit and melts the will of hardened criminals in prison. Loneliness screams to be healed, and it must be healed. Love Demands feel more like Love Necessities inside: human nature demands the loneliness must end.

Empirical research provides abundant correlation between loneliness and a wide range of debilitating and fatal maladies. Its effects range from simple anxiety, addictions, chronic depression and suicide to alcoholism, sociopathic hostility and even physical sickness like heart disease and increased risk for cancer.

But expensive research is hardly needed for most of us to know that loneliness is devastating. The following account is far too common:

Holy crap. I miss my family really badly. I am the oldest of 11 going on 12 kids, and they all live very far away. I am all by myself in NYC… if I really wanted to go home I could, though I know it sucks there. My boyfriend dumped me and I almost got fired at work today… I don’t know why I feel so bad when there really are people who care about me. But I do feel horribly lonely. I know I could get into another relationship, but I’m not even sure what I want anymore. I got married at 20, and am already alone again. – Wanda

How can she be so lonely in a crowded place like New York City? With 11 siblings, an intact family, many “people who care about me,” once married and still apparently attractive enough to easily “get into another relationship,” she still says, “But I do feel horribly lonely.” It’s a dark and malignant emptiness growing inside her. Whatever else could be said about her situation, one point is clear: loneliness is inside, not out there.

The Confusion Inside

The depressing sense of isolation – not a temporary thing from a business trip or death of a spouse – but this chronic, sometimes debilitating alienation is what Wanda describes. It’s an emptiness that settles bone-deep, a heavy weight carried from one relationship to another. This is Wanda’s life. Surely from among all the many diverse people she knows, someone could fill that emptiness, but not so! Each new relationship is so promising, but in fact it’s tainted by the terrible weight of loneliness she brings from her growing collection of unhappy relationships. Continue Reading »

Foolish Hearts

More than one life is poisoned by the ungrateful heart. Paul describes everybody’s plight: it’s passed along to the children.

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Romans 1:21 (NASB)

Born on this side of eternity in a land ravaged and plagued by the darkened, “foolish heart”, we grow up in a harsh desert of ingratitude. Everywhere, stretched far into the horizon are unthankful, complaining, and embittered people—even those near-at-hand, even our parents!

Ingratitude is the building stuff of this realm. It mandates an economy of currency, because people will otherwise take without any thought of payment. Ingratitude fuels insatiable appetites, the wars and conquests of human history. Even the daily grind of life is tainted with complaints from unhappy people. Ingratitude made a farce out of Communism, and millions died sacrificing for a Utopian dream of common brotherhood simply because Karl Marx downplayed the obvious fact of ingratitude which rendered communal living impossible—a big oversight!

Real and False Gratitude

The word Paul uses for “give thanks” is eucaristeo in Greek, and it goes beyond merely feeling somewhat grateful. Gratitude means to be openly, visibly, demonstrably thankful.

There is a significant difference between a grateful, passing thought and a demonstration of gratitude. Someone may claim to be grateful for their parents, but when was the last time it was expressed? Until expressed, this fleeting thought is not eucaristeo .

Three simple questions can measure your attitude of gratitude:

1. To whom have you given thanks in the past week?
2. What did you do to express gratitude?
3. If asked, would the other person remember your last effort to demonstrate gratitude?

These are hard questions, but reasonable. If I’m grateful, of course it should show at least once a week! And it shouldn’t be vague, and it should register with people around me.

The problem is, however, that people feel awkward expressing gratitude, and this is true especially in those old, weary relationships like parents. Why is this? Should gratitude not increase for those long-term relationships, the ones with substance and commitment? But the ungrateful heart is a stern accountant of wrongs perceived, and a spendthrift of grace received!

Men feel especially awkward demonstrating gratitude, with the exception of the workplace where gratitude is the expected reward for a job well-done. Naturally the rules are different at work, so gratitude is economic or perhaps expressed through an awards banquet. But why is it so rare at home?

Before consigning gratitude to the grave of gooey, touchy-feely irrelevance, consider the devastating effects of its antonyms: ingratitude, indifference, resentment and everything that grows in place of thankfulness. Ingratitude is not just a “bad hair day” or simple neglect, but a poison saturating the human condition. It is a terrific furnace for human suffering. Continue Reading »

Ed.Note: the following is an enhancement of the teachings given at East Harbor State Park this past Labor Day weekend.

Forest Gump was a silly movie in many respects, but whoever wrote it grasped what makes life work and what doesn’t. Life doesn’t work for Jenny, the little girl who befriended Forest. She was sexually abused, and she grows up ruined by it, drug-addicted, sexually promiscuous, unable to love, and she dies from an STD, leaving an orphaned child in Forest’s care. There’s the lieutenant from Viet Nam who became suicidal and deeply embittered when he lost his legs in the war. Forest Gump was a stark and refreshing contrast to these figures because his life was miraculously useful, despite being physically and mentally handicapped. He received scholarships, launched Elvis and others to fame, was decorated by three presidents, and made the cover of Fortune magazine as a millionaire tycoon.

Thankfulness marked the difference between these characters. Forest was simple enough he never really understood the reasons for bitterness, and took life as it came with gratitude. This opened doors of opportunity few with far greater gifts ever see.

Jenny was deeply embittered, but her only revenge was to throw rocks at her father’s house one night, decades later – but her father was long-dead, and the house was a pile of charred wood. It was the pinnacle of her life, the most she could do with all her bitterness. The lieutenant was also headed for a dreary life, stuck in a home for incapacitated vets. But he took a chance and joined Forest on a shrimp boat. Hurricane Camille descends on their little boat, and the lieutenant spews his bitterness at God who is the cause for all the world’s suffering. When the storm subsides, he realizes God is not the cause for suffering. Even more, he sees God is someone who provides for those who suffer.

The movie was a fable, but (miraculously, for Hollywood!) it depicted a deep truth about the human condition: it’s a realm filled with opportunity for bitterness, and those who choose it get nothing in return. Those with thankfulness can step back to see the forest for all the trees, and they can find their bearings in a sick, hurting world.

The Furnace of Depravity

Ingratitude is the furnace for depravity in the human heart. It triggers a landslide of poisonous thoughts and actions, and it seals the fate of its victims with a blinding obsession of bitterness.

Ingratitude begins with rebellion, and then takes its own momentum. Paul describes it in Romans 1:

For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools Romans 1:21-22 (NASB95)

Paul sums up the results in one phrase, “their foolish heart was darkened.” The darkness that descends on the ungrateful heart is the missed opportunities of real life, replaced by a self-made world of imagination colored with dark bitterness.

The problem follows a clear pattern, starting with an attitude towards God, and as we will demonstrate, it ripples across a lifetime of relationships. Continue Reading »