NeoZine

by Matt Walker

(I haven’t been looking forward to this but it needs to be done)

Well, I’m not even sure where to start… You enter his Cathedral, there is a huge shiny crown in the back, and a really big choir singing some beautiful hymns. It’s quite an impressive sight. On the ceiling there is a big ominous looking cross, it really just didn’t make me feel any warm fuzzies about being there…

(These may not be in the right order it’s been a while my apologies…)

First thing on Angely’s agenda was collecting money, after the choir was done singing. I’m trying not to sound jaded any about this whole thing, but bear with me… So first, they collected the 10% of your earnings that the regulars are encouraged to donate. Really, there is nothing wrong with this.

Then there was a donation auction. Blessings started at $100 from some well groomed associate of Earnest. They then counted down from $100, to $75, then $50, then $25, then $10, then $5, then whatever. You raised your hand for the collectors to come around. The man in front then said “Bless you, bless you…” etc…

Next, they collected the donations of whatever you felt like giving, passing the collection tray around. They were being ushered by men who didn’t smile, wearing nice suits, with an Earnest Angely logo on their blazer. They weren’t giving me any bad feelings, they just weren’t looking like the most joyful people. Very professional seeming, business-like.

After this, they encouraged you to empty out your pockets and purses of change. You took your change and held in in your hand above your head, shook it and chanted “Souls souls souls” as the man in front spoke about how this money was used for buying pamphlets, and missions trips and helping save the souls of the lost in the world.

Think they’re done with the money deal? Not yet…

Once this was over, people were encouraged to give money to fund things like Earnest Angely’s jet, his missions trips, his insurance on the jet, etc. Money for more specific causes. This was more for the regular attendees. One lady donated $170 from her and each member of her immediate family, totaling out to over $700. Definitely a very gracious person. I only know this because they read out loud what the donations were in front of everyone, and blessed those people who gave.

I’m missing two more collections in here because I remember I counted seven, but anyways… The last collection I remember wasn’t quite a collection, but a push for people to go to the Cathedral Buffet after the service for fathers day. It was mentioned that you should take him there for lunch, and for dinner if you can, because that’s the best way to celebrate fathers day. Those who didn’t have the money to go, well, Earnest was praying for them, so that maybe one day they’ll have enough money to go.

This was the first hour of being there, it was exciting, and very intriguing. I was surprised that they had that much focus on money… It seemed like a scam thus far. People that attended though seemed to enjoy themselves, it was really weird.

After all these collections though, there was the teaching about the end times. It covered quite a bit of material in Revelations. The teaching was good from what I heard of it, I’m just not a fan of mornings, I fell asleep… I heard about half of it though, and I do think it was accurate. The short version of what he was saying is that the end times are near, and that the technology of our age and the recent political situation in the middle east are big signs. I don’t disagree, we are called to live every day like our last. It was a good message, grim, but very good.

Overall, I hate to say it, I give this church a “D-“. If the teaching wasn’t as accurate as it was, or perhaps if he asked for money even one more time, I’d give it an “F”.

Positives

• Good teaching
• Accurate teaching
• Awesome choir
• …? (Feel like I’m missing something)

Neutral

• Lots of money in that place.
• Interesting crowd there, the people seemed friendly, good range from rich to poor, young and old, ethnicity and all the rest…
• Seemed like a dry teaching to me… But some people are okay with that.

Negatives

• Didn’t really see any evidence of programs for outreach that were enticing.
• They collected money seven times, maybe eight, ask Mike Hudoc.
• Personally I was bored and felt cheated for even going there.
• Felt like a business not a church.
• Bad use of the gift of tongues, as in, non-biblical, not real.
• Not very revolutionary or loving (in my opinion).
• Mornings (This is just me though)

Like I stated earlier, I don’t want to sound so jaded about this place, but I tried my best to be fair in my critique. Feel free to comment anything you have about Earnest, I’m open to corrections, criticisms, anything you have. This isn’t the best article I’ve written… Thanks for reading!

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