I am just about to post an article about this precise issue and phenomena. But let me just ask a simple question: which is better, that the kid honors you and obeys you, or that the kid learns to love others?

As for your earlier comment Lisa, “is it any wonder that children do not value the parent when the parent seems to distain the child..” here’s the rub: it’s the child who pays the price, and it’s the child which needs to reverse the direction paved by the parents. Yes, the potential is great for the kid to inherit and pass along the “sins of the fathers,” but also, for a Christian the potential is great to reverse the damage and trend, especially under a New Testament economy in which the indwelling of the Holy Spirit promises to “write my law upon their hearts…”

I’m sorry I’m delayed on the next installment…I have it done, and I’m just adding a couple things…

Malachi 4:5-6
“See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. 6 He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.”

My take on this is that before Elijah comes back even the members of close knit Jewish families will be against one another. As a result of this hardness heart the land will be struck with a curse. In light of Deut. 5:16, it seems that God is confirming that he will not allow people to “live well” so long as they are not obeying this law.

Deuteronomy 5:16
“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the LORD your God is giving you.

I’m not sure but the prophecy in Malachi also appears to place responsibility for the break down of the relationship not only upon the heads of the children, but also upon the heads of the parents-more specifically the father.

Am I understanding this passage correctly or am I reading into it from a biased perspective?

My second reply addressed the worldly perspective found in the article as it was discussing the secular world and contrasting America with agrarian cultures:

“From a purely secular perspective, it is any wonder that children have “cast-away” this role.
Do not these “parents” (non-Chrsitian) reap what they have sown? Have not the parents first cast away the relationship? Children watch and learn what they live. Right?”

In the aforementioned, I was not saying that a Christian should make their “parent reap what they have sown”; I was stating that in our America – is it any wonder that children do not value the parent when the parent seems to distain the child. Thus, the parent has taught the child to “cast-away” the relationship.

This is an increasing problem in our society. I recently read Micah 6:7 in reference to the “Day of the Lord.”
For a son dishonors his father,
a daughter rises up against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law—
a man’s enemies are the members of his own household.

This prophecy seems more true each day. I am so thankful that as a Christian I have the way out of a life of slavery to my hate or anger. I do not have to “rise up against my mother.”

My problem is no longer that I desire to repay my mother for hurt or that I desire to repay evil with evil. My conundrum is that my mother does not wish to talk to me and she will not return my calls. If she does, (this has occured once) it is superficial and she will ignore anything personal I say. She is unwilling to make any movement toward depth. I am left with what I have been doing all along-since I moved back from Columbus-inviting her to my kids activities or mowing her lawn. This can be quite frustrating. What kind of sick thing is that!

This is how she has treated me until I literally fall before her weeping and begging for her forgiveness and do all that she demands. This I will not do; I have moved beyond needing her approval for my life choices. I love her and desire a relationship, but what else can a daughter do? I have already apologized for harsh words I used(10 months earlier). This I did do. I’ve lived being her slave and now I am free to love her without being her slave.

I look forward to the next installment. I hope that sharing this struggle has actually been for some good and also that I haven’t bored anyone too much with these tedious details.

“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men…Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.
“BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD.”
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:17-21

The point is this: there’s power in the Romans 12 response, whereas trying to make people “reap what they have sown” is working from an inherently weak position. You simply don’t have that kind of power or authority. But, you do have the power and authority to “heap burning coals…” as it were.

“Parents” might be a more fluid term today, I don’t know. Obviously it encompasses whoever played that role in your life. The point is that these “parents” have played a vital role in shaping your emotions.

In the next installment we discuss how to turn it around from being at the mercy of your parenting background into taking ownership of your background and most important, having the power to reshaped and change your background through this combination: a) healing, and b) offensive love (as opposed to defensive). However, it’s vital that healing comes first, else the strength and emotional energy for offensive love isn’t great enough.

I loved your testimony, and I believe there are many experiencing precisely your struggles and feeling as you do highly frustrated. Thanks for your vulnerability. It’s helpful, too, just to make sure the love ethics we study will apply to your situation and will help.