This concept turned my world upside down and inside out- because although it is gut-wrenchingly grueling, these exercises actually workl! (Oh, maybe that was just my stomach.)

It is difficult to be brutally honest about what hurts-especially to myself. So often I just ignore the open head wound that is so painfully obvious to those around me. It festers, spreads, reeks so much that it is offensive to anyone who is close. Somehow I don’t notice it.

But, honest I had to be. I was exhausted by years of wrestling with the love demands made by my mother. I was tired of being used, tired of “starting over”, tired of being stupid. Just plain sick and tired of being sick and tired.

So I made my “list”, made certain she was naughty and not nice. Then, I wrote down the rules. I got to admit some of the rules were petty while others were quite serious.

Then, came the admitting where I violated that rule towards another person. This actually sucked because I did not want to admit in my heart or to anyother person that I was a big of a “sinner” as my mom. It was too horrible to hear or to behold. Me? “THE VICTIM OF A SEROIUS, SERIOUS INJURY! GUILTY OF THE SAME CRIME!”

May it never be – but it was true. I was and am as guilty of sin – the same sin – as my mother. This realization brought me to tears and to sorrow. I too am a sinner. I got it. I could now release my mother from my anger and now I could draw near to her on my terms once again. Was this forgiveness? I could approach her even if she never returns that offer to be in my life. I was free to love her again.

I did this many months ago. Such a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I am hopeful that my relationship with her will be restored. This is an ongoing process that I am actively pursuing. It doesn’t just happen, it takes thought and action and a well of prayer.

If anyone has struggles in this area, do not delay in action. It is worth the painful introspection, it is worth facing the ugliness of your anger, it is worth seeing yourself as God sees you (and how He sees sin), it is worth forgiving…………as Christ forgave you.

As I read the Love-On-Demand, it was hard to read the text and go to the chart to see where it fit together. I wonder if it would be better placed after the paragraph, “But people are not patient and kind….”

The Hide-And-Seek Demands is really good. The question that comes to mind is, “But isn’t it reasonable to have some expectations?”

At the end of paragraph 2 on page 5, “It is also possible to be completely unaware of our…we tend to lie, even to ourselves…” what about putting in the Jeremiah 17:9,10 verse? Or, do you want the reader to linger on the fight in their mind…”I don’t lie!”?

I really like the Hurt and Anger paragraphs. Here you talk about the whiney women and emotionally-disturbed Work Sub – so it makes me wonder where “The Tragedy and Beauty of Love” chapter will be fit in the book. Are the explanations for work sub and work-for-love placed in an earlier chapter?

I wonder if the picture of the Napalm bomb would be better placed right above the second paragraph onpage 7, “Love is something that makes me feel good here-and-now!”

The fifth paragraph, “If we do not understand our own personal Love-Demands, we will remain perpetually a victim of other people’s immaturities” should read, “If we do not understand our own personal Love-Demands, we will remain perpetually a victim of our own immaturities.”

On page 8, “Translating Demands into Forgiveness” there is a circle that should be added. A), B), C), D) Admit my own wrong – or repentance, which = Forgiveness to other. Only as we admit our own wrong before God and others, do we begin to see the depth we have been forgiven, which brings us to forgive others. “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34.

So, Keith, do you have any idea when we can get together again? Will you be in Columbus any part of August? I just have to know a couple of weeks in advance because of the client schedule, although evenings have worked well for us when you are at Martha’s house.